media

By Caroline Knorr, Parenting Editor, Common Sense Media 

As parents, we have a natural instinct to choose who we want our kids to be friends with -- and who we'd rather they not hang around. The same instinct kicks in for media role models. We like Doc McStuffins because she's smart and kind. SpongeBob? Maybe not so much.

In today's 24/7 media environment, in which kids may be spending more time with media than they are with their parents, choosing positive role models is more important than ever. By the time kids are in middle school, they start to look to their peers for a sense of what's socially acceptable or desirable. Parents may remain the primary influence in their kids' lives, but the competition starts to get fierce at this age. This separation is entirely age appropriate. But when the media comes into play, the values you want to pass down to your kids may be competing against, say, Homer Simpson's. Or, folks like Logan Paul, who's YouTube channel has millions of followers and is hugely influential (for all the wrong reasons).

In fact, the stars of social media are just as likely to be role models as traditional celebrities. These so-called influencers reach out to kids via TV, YouTube, video games, Twitter, and music -- all of which are broadcast or easily accessible 24 hours a day. And as we all know, not all the characters or people who gain popularity through these channels have stellar role-model credentials.

The good news is that there are plenty of positive role models you can point to that may influence your kids to make healthy choices, learn to respect others, achieve goals, and avoid anti-social behavior. Negative role models -- especially ones who don't suffer consequences for their actions -- can encourage anti-social behavior, stereotypes, and even cruelty. Help your kids choose positive media role models who embody the values you want to pass down.

Tips for parents of young kids

• Limit screen time. Kids grow and thrive best through personal interaction. Spending time with them, playing, and reading are great ways to build a foundation to impart your values.
• Find age-appropriate content. Kids ages 2-7 should be exposed to media featuring good role moles, racial and gender diversity, and no stereotypes. Check out some of the positive role models on YouTube. 
• Encourage positive socialization. Look for role models who impart positive social lessons, like sharing and being a good friend.
• Respect differences. Encourage kids this age to accept and respect people who are different by exposing them to media that includes people of diverse backgrounds.

Tips for parents of elementary-aged kids

• Avoid stereotypes. Point out strong female characters or male characters who share their feelings. Try not to reinforce stereotypes in media selection (i.e. princess movies for girls and truck videos for boys), since that can reinforce societal imbalances. Take a look at our lists of Positive Role Model TV for Girls and Movies with Incredible Role Models for Boys. 
• Reinforce your values. Point out words and behavior in popular TV shows, websites, and music that are both positive and negative examples of what you do and don't want your kids to model. What you say to your child is up to you, but have the discussion.
• Flag antisocial behavior. Children like to imitate and pretend to be their favorite characters. When characters say mean things or behave cruelly, discuss the consequences.
• Go with the good stuff. Kids will be inspired by great historical figures, athletes, or TV stars. Take advantage of that adoration by pointing out their good traits, as in, "George Washington was honest. Honesty is an important quality." Not: "Lying is bad. Children who lie get in trouble."

Tips for parents of older kids

• Embrace what they like. Rejecting your kids' love of popular culture can close off avenues of communication. Embrace their world, but establish clear boundaries about what you find acceptable and appropriate. Talk about celebrities that cross the line. 
• Help teens balance their need for rebellion and self-expression with an appreciation of acceptable social action. Kids need to understand how to communicate and use media wisely and ethically. If they engage with media that includes antisocial behavior, make sure they understand the impact and potential consequences.
• Let older kids see things you don't agree with. But then discuss exactly what you don't like with them. Since we won't always be around, we need to make sure to instill critical-thinking skills in our kids.
• Don't shy away from pointing the finger. If your kids (or their schoolmates) are heavy media users and they demonstrate or are on the receiving end of any antisocial behavior or experience eating disorders, addictions, low school performance or depression, connect the dots -- and disconnect the source.

By Sierra Filucci, Editor, Common Sense Media

Media has a huge influence on kids -- and as kids get older, the online world has an even tighter grip on them. You can see it in the way they imitate their favorite TV characters, pretend to be YouTube stars, or beg for T-shirts, backpacks, or comforters emblazoned with logos. But parents still have a huge influence. And moms play a major role in the development and nurturing of kids in a media-filled world. Here are five ways moms can have a positive impact on kids' (media and tech) lives:

Foster positive body image

Kids get lots of iffy messages about appearance from media. Whether your kid is watching sassy tween TV or scrolling through perfect Instagram photos, they're inundated with bikini pics and muscleman heroes. Not only can moms discuss these media images with kids, but they can choose to ban fat talk and body shaming entirely from their homes. Studies show that moms who criticize their own bodies can have a major impact on how kids feel about their own.

Insist on device-free dinner

Sure, more dads are in the kitchen than ever before, but moms remain the primary person in charge of getting dinner on the table. And that means they can set the tone for the meal -- including insisting that all devices are put away so that families can concentrate on each other. Studies show that sharing meals as a family can help everything from behavior to health.

Choose high-quality media

So often mom are the ones in charge of curating kids' media lives. And we can do a lot to steer kids -- especially little ones -- toward top-notch content, from selecting TV shows that foster empathy and other character-building skills for preschoolers to loading up the tablet with educational apps to keep kids busy -- and learning -- during road trips and more.

Stop texting and driving

While both parents drive kids around, it's often moms who spend the most time in the car with kids. And kids are watching when we pick up the phone for a quick text while cruising down the highway. Nix this habit immediately to set a good example for your future drivers. (Plus, it's super dangerous!)

Raise media-literate kids

Moms are responsible for the majority of shopping in most households. This means it's mom's job to negotiate with kids about which logos, phrases, and characters can appear on kids' T-shirts, backpacks, and more. While there's no shame in buying kids the occasional branded goodie, it's a good idea to help kids understand a little bit about how marketing works. Understanding how media companies make money by selling T-shirts can be one step in teaching kids media literacy.

By Christine Elgersma, Common Sense Media

"Just a sec," say nine out of 10 parents answering an email when their kid asks them for something. If it's hard for us to jump out of the digital world, just imagine you're 3 and the lines between fantasy and reality are already blurred -- then throw in a super-engaging, colorful, fun, immersive experience. Or you're 5 and each episode of Mutt &  Stuff on the Nick Jr. app is better than the last. Or you're 8 and you're almost finished building something amazing in Minecraft. Why would you ever want to stop?

This is why getting kids off their devices is so tough. And when threatening doesn't work, and you discover the research that two-minute warnings aren't the best option either, what can you do? Thankfully, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has some new guidelines around screen use that ease some parental guilt, but you still need to get your kid off the iPad at some point. Aside from being a strong role model, try these tips to minimize conflict and find the balance we're all seeking.

• Have another activity lined up (bonus points for making it seem fun). For the youngest device users, transitions are hard -- period.  Even if the next "to do" is a "must do" (such as eating lunch), tell your kid what's coming next. You can rehearse the process: "When I say stop, it's time for the iPad to go night-night. Let's see how fast you can flip it shut! As soon as it's asleep, we can sneak into the other room and paint."
• Use visual and sound cues to help kids keep track of time limits. For kids who don't yet know how to tell time, try a timer that can help put them in charge of the process: "When the time is up, it'll look and sound like this."
• Find apps with built-in timers. Video streamers like Cakey and Huvi throw parents a bone and have internal timers so the app stops on its own. Then it's up to the parent to make sure kiddo doesn't just jump into another app.
• Tell kids to stop at a natural break, such as the end of an episode, level, or activity. It's hard for kids (and adults!) to stop in the middle of something. Before your kid gets on a device, talk about what they want to do or play, what will be a good place to stop, and how long they think it'll take. Set the limit together and hold to it, though a little wiggle room (a couple of minutes so they can finish) is fine.
• Discuss consequences and follow through when kids test the limits. When all else fails, it's important to have discussed consequences for when your kid won't give it up. For little kids, the line can be something like, "If it's too hard to turn off, the tablet has to go away for a whole day." For older kids it's more about keeping devices in a public space, setting expectations, and enforcing them. If they show you they can be partners in moderating and regulating themselves, there can be more flexibility. 

By Caroline Knorr, Common Sense Media, Parenting Editor

If you believe everything you hear about kids online, you might think pedophiles and cyberbullies are around every cyber-corner. Yes, there is bad stuff out there. But the truth is, there's a lot of good, and some experts are arguing against a "techno-panic mindset" that worries parents unnecessarily. The bottom line is that we can't keep our kids safe if we don't know the facts. Here are the five most popular myths about Internet safety -- and the truths that can set your worries free.

Myth: Social media turns kids into cyberbullies.
Truth: There are many reasons why a kid might cyberbully, and social media is just a convenient way to do the dirty work.

The reality is that kids who engage in this behavior typically have something else going on that compels them to act out. They might be in crisis -- at home, at school, or otherwise socially. They may also be bullying in person, or they may have an underdeveloped sense of empathy. Awareness of a cyberbully's circumstances -- though not excusing the behavior -- can help parents and educators recognize the warning signs and potentially intervene before it goes too far.

Myth: Teaching kids not to talk to strangers is the best way to keep them safe online.
Truth: Teaching kids to recognize predatory behavior will help them avoid unwelcome advances.

In today's world, where kids as young as 8 are interacting with people online, they need to know the boundary between appropriate and inappropriate conversation. Kids are often pressured by their own friends to talk about sex, so they need to know it's OK to tell peers to back off. Go beyond "stranger danger" and teach them what kind of questions are not OK (for example, not OK: "Are you a boy or a girl?"; "Where do you live?"; "What are you wearing?"; "Do you want to have a private conversation?"). Also, teach kids to not go looking for thrills online. Risky online relationships more frequently evolve in chat rooms when teens willingly seek out or engage in sexual conversation.

Myth: Social media alienates kids.
Truth: Most kids say social media strengthens their relationships. 

Most kids want to have fun, hang out, and socialize normally online -- and in fact, according to the Pew Research Internet Project, that's what the majority is doing. Check out these comforting stats:

• 57 percent of all teens have made new friends online
• 84 percent of boys who play networked games with friends feel more connected when they play online 
• 68 percent of teen social media users have had online friends support them through tough or challenging times

And how about the kids who've fought cyberbullying and used the Internet for a social cause? More and more, kids are harnessing the power of the online world -- and busting up a few myths along the way.

Myth: It’s dangerous to post pictures of your kids online.
Truth: If you use privacy settings, limit your audience, and don't ID your kids, it’s pretty safe.

Although it's true that posting anything online invites some risks, there are ways to limit them if you're smart about how you do it.

• Use privacy settings. Make sure your privacy settings are set so only the closest people in your network can view your posts.
• Limit your audience. Only share posts with close family and friends. Or use photo-sharing sites such as Picasa and Flickr that require a log-in to see pics.
• Don't rush your kids into social media. Obey the rules about keeping kids under 13 off social media. Once your kids have an online profile, they can be tagged in photos, which magnifies their online presence. If you're going to upload photos of them, don't identify them and don't tag them -- that way the photo can't be traced back to them.

Myth: Parental controls are the best way to monitor my kids’ online activities.
Truth: Focusing on only one Internet safety method lulls you into a false sense of security.

To keep your kids safe online -- and to raise them to be responsible, respectful digital citizens -- it takes more than installing parental controls. For starters, parental controls can be defeated by determined kids. They also often catch too much in their filters, rendering any Internet search useless, and they set up a "parent vs. kid" dynamic that could backfire.

By all means, use parental controls to help prevent exposure to age-inappropriate material and to manage time limits. But don't think they get you off the hook. Continue to discuss responsible, respectful online behavior, set rules and consequences for misbehavior, and train your kid to manage his or her own usage. 

Isn’t it odd that a child can read a magazine, color in an activity book, write a letter to Grandma, devour a chapter book, laugh at a comic strip, snuggle through a favorite picture book for the umpteenth time, or do homework … and we never say she’s getting too much “page time.”

Today, electronic devices deliver equally diverse and enriching experiences, but when it comes to “screen time,” some experts still recommend doling it out by volume, not content.

• Communication apps enable children to see and talk with distant friends or relatives, even sharing a book or animating a story together, across the miles;
• Smartphone cameras help kids capture and relive family outings (and give parents insight into what engaged their child);
• eBooks can replicate print versions; deepen insight into non-fiction topics through print, images and films; or invite play within a fantasy world;
• Creativity programs provide a bottomless box of blocks, or an art set that never breaks or dries out (or draws on walls); and
• Children learn about the world through narrative, and TV and movies offer stories – real and fictional – that engage, inform, educate and inspire, for kids alone or for family co-viewing.

Given this range and depth, I believe screen time is an outdated term, and that parents can — almost always — shelve the timer and look instead at what’s being consumed (or created!).

Context (when, where and why a device is being used) is as important as content. The tablet that is soothing at a doctor’s office may be disruptive in a restaurant. On a third consecutive snow day, parents may be grateful for TV shows they’d deny on a sunny day. The world’s biggest research libraries — Google and YouTube — are invaluable when kids discover a frog in the yard.

Still, children must live in balance, and time limits may make sense if electronics overwhelm a child’s other choices. Kids need active gameplay and exercise, social time with friends or siblings, fantasy play, and exploration in the real world.

Digital and physical experiences should supplement, not replace, each other. Kids need first-hand sensory experiences — drawing with real crayons, throwing an actual ball, turning the pages of a paper magazine, cooking with foods they can then eat.

Most important, every family is different, and parents are best equipped to keep their children’s lives in balance and moderation. Whatever screen time they choose to allow should be wisely invested, using their family values and knowledge of their own children’s needs, interests and abilities to define quality in content and context.

By Christine Elgersma, Common Sense Media

If it's tough for us grown-ups to figure out what's real news and what's fake these days, imagine how difficult it is for kids. Among hearing opinions at home, talking with friends, learning from teachers, reading things online or in print, and seeing news on television, kids have a lot of information to sift through and a lot of sources to evaluate. According to Common Sense Media's report, News and America's Kids: How Young People Perceive and Are Impacted by the News, kids feel scared and depressed about the news. How can we help them?

The answer is media literacy. And it starts with asking questions. By encouraging kids to question what they see and hear, you train them to think critically about information. With strong media-literacy skills, they'll be informed, engaged, and less likely to be taken in by fake news.

Here are some practical tips to help your kid be a smart consumer of the news.

Don't start believin'.

While it's important to be open-minded, in today's world you have to be just a little skeptical of pretty much everything.

• Little kids can build media-literacy skills by analyzing things such as toy packaging and cereal boxes. Tell them to put on their thinking caps (pantomime it!) to get them ready.
• Tweens and teens can start with a little side-eye -- especially at online news -- and avoid sharing, forwarding, and commenting on stories until they've verified that they're true.

It takes all kinds.

Talk about how there are lots of different kinds of news sources: investigative journalism, research studies, opinion pieces, blogs, punditry, evening news, and so on. 

• Kids will hear about the news at home, at school, and in other communities they're a part of. Explain that "word-of-mouth" stories and rumors aren't always true. Playing an old-school game of telephone might illustrate the idea of how information can get twisted along the way.
• Make sure kids know the difference between fact and opinion. If they're older, talk about objective vs. subjective information and bias. Ask them for examples of undisputable facts and colorful opinions.
• Explain the difference between established news organizations that follow certain professional standards and every other type of publisher.
• Watch out for viral videos. Videos that circulate around the internet may or may not contain nuggets of real news, but they rarely represent the whole situation. And, like photos, videos can be doctored and edited to bend the truth. Check out Photoshop fails for visual examples.

From both sides now.

There's usually more than one side to a story.

• Talking about a real-life situation can help little kids understand the idea that different people have different points of view. Ask: "Remember when you and your sister were arguing? How many sides to the story were there?"
• Older kids already understand the concept of perspective but might need help to transfer the idea to the news. Ask them to consider how different audiences (by gender, race, and culture) might interpret a story.

Play bad cop.

Interrogate the source.

• Walk kids through the questions they can ask to test a source's validity:
  • Who made this?
  • Why did they make it? 
  • Is it for or against something or someone? 
  • Are they trying to get a big reaction from me or just inform me? How can I tell?
  • Is anyone else reporting this news?
• Look for signs that the source is legit and not fake, such as a clear "About Us" section and a standard URL (for example, ".com" instead of ".com.co").
• Older kids can dig deeper with fact-checking websites.

Putting the pieces together.

Sometimes the news can be like a puzzle with information coming in bits.

• Just as with a puzzle, we need more than one piece to see the whole picture, so checking other sources is critical.
• Remind kids that it's hard to have all the facts all at once. Even respected news outlets make mistakes or jump the gun. It's smart to wait to make up your mind about something until you have more information.
• Model a wise approach to news by using media-literacy skills yourself. Show kids how you check other sources and ask questions to get as much truth as possible.
• Leave some space for kids to make up their own minds. Of course we want them to respect our values and beliefs, but we also want kids to hold them up to the light to see for themselves.

By Caroline Knorr, Common Sense Media parenting editor

You balance their meals, so why not their media? Learn the secrets to a well-balanced media diet.

Many parents struggle with exactly how much screen time is OK for their kids. Is a half-hour show OK but a full-length movie "bad"? The truth is, there is no magic formula. A healthy media diet is very much like a nutritious meal plan: Some days, they eat all their peas and carrots, and one day they may eat nothing but Cheetos at a birthday party. You figure out ways to make sure they get the right balance over the long term.

A healthy media diet balances three things: what kids do, how much time they spend doing it, and whether their content choices are age-appropriate. At some point, you'll help them take the reins and manage their own use. In the meantime, these tips can help:

Use media together.

• Whenever you can, watch, play, and listen with your kids. Talk about the content.
• When you can't be there, ask them about the media they've used. Help kids question and consider media messages.
• Share your own values. Let them know how you feel about solving problems with violence, stereotyping people, selling products using sex or cartoon characters, or advertising to kids in schools or movie theaters.
• Help kids connect what they learn in the media to events and other activities in which they're involved -- such as sports and art -- to broaden their understanding of the world.

Be a role model.

• When kids are around, set an example by using media the way you want them to use it. Avoid posting everything that happens in your life, ask permission before uploading photos of others, and establish some media-free family time.
• Use media as a tool. Show your kids your mapping program, your news app, or your photo-editing programs. Demonstrate how your devices are a means to an end, not an end unto themselves.
• Avoid using media as a reward or a punishment -- that gives it too much power.

Keep an eye on the clock.

• Establish time limits that work for your family's needs.
• Let kids choose their entertainment options for the day. It could be a show, a game, or a learning app -- but giving them the choice helps them regulate their usage.
• Limit distractions. Keep phones and devices away when kids need to focus on other things -- homework or chores, for example. That'll make it easier for them to stay on task and make media use easier to track.

Learn more about healthy screen time habits at Common Sense Media

By Sierra Filucci, Common Sense Media

When it comes to parenting frustrations, nothing beats the challenges of setting screen limits, picking appropriate media, and figuring out Snapchat. We're raising "digital natives" but we're supposed to be the experts? Actually, no. It turns out, the most effective way to help your kid have a healthy relationship to media is by being their media mentor.

Many of us think we need to have all the answers. Or we just stick our heads in the sand and hope for the best. But, as so often happens, the middle road is juuuuust right. Researcher Alexandra Samuel surveyed 10,000 North American families and found that some parents put strict limits on what their kids could watch or play ("limiters"), especially when they're young, while others (especially parents of teens) let their kids control screen time and embrace the idea that more tech is good tech ("enablers").

But about a third of the parents -- whom she calls "media mentors" -- consistently engaged in media with their kids, despite their ages, and these kids had better outcomes. Kids of media mentors were less likely to access porn, chat online with a stranger, and impersonate an adult or peer online. Exactly what you're hoping for as a parent, right?

So what does it take to be a "media mentor"? Here are the steps:

Talk about media and tech

Here's where most parents are #winning. In the 2015 Common Sense Census: Media Use by Tweens and Teens, 87 percent of tweens reported that their parents regularly discussed Internet safety. These conversations can include everything from stranger danger to creating strong passwords and should be empowering rather than scary.

Play, watch, learn together

Media mentors play video games, watch movies, and download apps with their kids. They share their favorite YouTube videos and explore new music together. It's not all the time, of course -- who has time for that? -- but staying engaged and showing interest breeds comfort and camaraderie.

Teach new skills

Kids with tech-savvy parents have some advantages when getting up to speed on digital life. They can introduce kids to specialized websites and explain the ins and outs of Instagram. But that doesn't mean the rest of us have nothing to offer. Parents can show kids -- especially young ones -- how to use a mouse, do a Google search, charge a device, and so on. Children's librarians are another tech resource, too.

Follow their interests

You know what your kid is into -- whether it's dinosaurs, Minecraft, or Taylor Swift -- and you can use these interests to support positive engagement with media and tech. Find cool dinosaur apps, sign your kid up for a Minecraft coding camp, or take a digital music-making class together.

Do your research

High-quality content makes a difference in how kids interact with media. Parents who seek out good content by checking reviews, surveying friends, and exploring content themselves expose kids to better stuff.

By Michael Robb, Common Sense Media, Director of Research

It may seem obvious that eating dinner with your family is a good thing. Research provides plenty of support for the importance of family dinner for kids: Learning vocabulary, fewer behavior problems, less substance abuse, and healthier eating are some of the positive outcomes.

But how is family dinner changing in response to the massive technological changes in American society? To find out more about how families are managing devices during family dinner, Common Sense Media commissioned a poll of nearly 900 families with children between the ages of 2 and 17 years old. Here’s what we found:

• Family dinner is an institution. Seventy percent of families eat dinner together five or more times a week.

• Dinner is a time for sharing. Almost all (93 percent of) parents think conversations at family dinners are important for talking about things happening in their children's lives.

• Devices aren't welcome but often have a seat at the table anyway. Even though previous research has found that 88 percent of adults don't think it's OK to use a phone at a family dinner, 47 percent of parents said they or a family member used a mobile device at dinner in the last week. Thirty-four percent said they had the TV on for all or most dinners.

For families whose dinners involved a device, parents felt conflicted:

• A majority (51 percent) of parents said mobile devices made them feel disconnected from their families.

• Over half (58 percent) were concerned that devices were hurting their conversations.

• A third (35 percent) said mobile devices at dinner caused arguments.

• And yet, 61 percent of parents thought mobile devices helped bring families together through sharing content, such as pictures, videos, or posts.

No one is arguing that occasionally sharing a YouTube video or showing off pictures from the day is harmful. And yet, in the digital age, it's easy to let devices occupy more and more of our family time. As more kids and parents bring their devices to the table, we wonder if a prime opportunity to connect with family without distractions is getting lost. Past research suggests caution. One study found that parents in a fast food restaurant who were using devices spoke less to their children and their children were more likely to act out to get attention. Other research has found that even the presence of a phone on the table can hurt the quality of conversation.

Common Sense Media promotes technology use for learning, fun, and bringing people together, but we also see a need to balance media and tech with undistracted face-to-face time. There are still times when it's good to focus just on the people in front of you.

So, when you have a family dinner, commit to putting devices away for those 30 minutes (or, if you have small children, the six minutes of dinner!). Turn your devices on silent. Better yet, put them somewhere where you can't see them and where a notification won’t tempt you to check it. Enjoy a device-free dinner as part of a healthy digital lifestyle, and make the most of family time.

By Caroline Knorr, Common Sense Media, Parenting Editor

What's topping your kids' holiday wish lists this year? Chances are it has a screen, Internet access, and games. With a little planning -- and kids' assistance -- you can balance your family's tech activities with much-needed face time. Here's how:

Be jolly -- but firm.

Let your kids know that you'll be enforcing stricter time limits to create more quality family time. And tell them that the rules will apply to the grown-ups as well!

Make a list (and check it with your kids).

Schedule some daily tech time for yourself and your kids. Get their input on which devices they absolutely can't live without, and allow some limited use.

Have a download derby.

Browse the app store together. Look for games and activities that the whole family can enjoy, such as the ones on our our best app lists.

Make setup fun, not frustrating.

No matter how easy to use companies make new devices, there's always some (often frustrating) setup time. Truth be told, kids often figure out thorny tech glitches faster than parents, so involve your kids in the process. Use that time to discuss responsible use of the new device.

Try some tech togetherness.

Unplugging for its own sake isn't the point. Family time is. Plan a night of video games, movies, or maybe preselected YouTube videos that you can all enjoy together.

Combine on- and offline activities.

Document your family memories and consider compiling them into journals, cards, and scrapbooks. This is a perfect time to share your own holiday memories with your kids.

If no creatures are stirring … don't check your email.

Remember, your kids learn their media habits partly from you. Use quiet time to reflect on ways you can maximize the benefits of technology without letting it take over your family's life.

Have an old-fashioned holiday.

Challenge your family to choose low- or no-tech versions of favorite activities. Generate fun on your own steam -- no WiFi, data, or plugs.