technology

Happiness is a warm puppy. If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. Don't worry, be happy! Rules for how to live happily are nothing new. But lately, our well-being -- and that of our kids -- seems to be in free fall. Depression, anxiety, and even youth suicide rates are increasing, as is cell phone and device use and the constant expectation to be "on." Raising kids to be happy in today's world isn't impossible: Many generations of parents have managed to do so when the threats were way worse than FOMO. We just need to rewrite the rules for the digital age.

The quest to make sure our kids are happy may have led us in the wrong direction. While media and tech deserve some of the blame for our collective stress, no one really knows how much. However, we do know that turning everything off doesn't magically make us happier. In fact, studies show that some types of screen-based activities can be beneficial -- and we all know the warm, fuzzy feeling we get when we enjoy media together. As more research emerges on the impact of media and tech on kids' mental health, it confirms what we've always known about how to be happy: Supportive relationships, a feeling of self-worth, strong character, and other positive influences are what really matter. And while you can’t mandate joy, supporting your kid -- both online and off -- creates an environment where happiness is there for the taking. These tips can help you raise a happy kid in the digital age:

Get gritty. 

Grit -- the combination of perseverance and resilience that helps you bounce back from disappointments -- plays an important role in well-being. At school, online, and even with friends, kids feel pressured to achieve something on the first try. Instead, instill what’s called a "growth mindset," the process of trying, failing, and learning from mistakes. When they feel defeated, their inner voice will say, "You got this!"

Nourish their sense of self-worth. 

Likes, comments, and other indicators of online status are part of kids' social-media lives. But there's a tipping point when a kid’s perfectly natural curiosity about what others think about them turns into a harmful fixation on peer validation that can cause depression. You can help inoculate your kid against this by fostering an internal sense of self-worth. Encourage activities and hobbies that give kids a sense of accomplishment on their own terms.

Be grateful. 

Being aware and thankful is a tried-and-true life hack that leads to a stronger sense of well-being. You can actually use media and tech to cultivate a sense of gratitude. Check out sites and apps that let kids help make the world a better place. Watch TV shows and movies that inspire gratitude. At home, create a culture of appreciation by discussing what you're grateful for. Check out Greater Good Magazine's Gratitude page for more ideas.

Go outside. 

Seriously, that's all you need to do. Nature is scientifically proven to boost well-being. If you need inspiration, watch nature movies or download apps that encourage outdoor exploration. Or just put down your phone, close the laptop, turn off the TV, and go for a walk.

Foster connection.

In the digital age, kids can make new friends and strengthen existing relationships online, whether it's in a rousing game of Fortnite, a few hearts on Instagram, or even a FaceTime session with the grandparents. But the happiest people are the ones who consistently find a balance between screens and the rest of life. And as the grown-ups, we're the ones who need to model healthy habits. So, carve out screen-free times at home. Unplug everything so you can make eye contact and really listen to family and friends without distractions. By all means, enjoy media together -- but set limits so it doesn't interfere with face-to-face interactions.

By Caroline Knorr, Parenting Editor, Common Sense Media

In many homes, getting kids to turn off their cell phones, shut down the video games, or quit YouTube can incite a revolt. And if your kids say they need to be online for schoolwork, you may not know when the research stops and idle activity begins.

When it comes to screen time, every family will have different amounts of time that they think is "enough." What's important is giving it some thought, creating age-appropriate limits (with built-in flexibility for special circumstances), making media choices you're comfortable with, and modeling responsible screen limits for your kids. Try these age-based guidelines to create screen rules that stick.

Preschoolers. There are lots of great TV shows, apps, games, and websites geared for this age. But too much time spent in front of a screen can interfere with activities that are essential for growing brains and bodies.

• Go for quality and age-appropriateness. Not everything for preschoolers needs to be a so-called "brain-builder," but there's a difference between mindless and mindful entertainment. Our reviews can steer you toward titles that help preschoolers work on developmental skills like sharing, cooperation, and emotional intelligence.

• Sit with them, and enjoy the discovery process. There will always be moments when you need to rely on the TV or an app to distract your preschooler while you get something done. But as much as you can, enjoy media together. Little hands and developing brains really benefit from your company (and guidance!).

• Begin setting limits when kids are little. Habits get ingrained early, so try to establish clear screen-time rules when your kids are young. For games, apps, and websites, you may need to set a timer. For TV, just say "one show."

Elementary and Middle Schoolers. At this age, kids love TV shows, games, movies, and online videos. They begin to explore more and hear about new shows and games from friends. Because they can access these things by themselves, it's crucial to continue to supervise their activities and help them stick to your rules.

• Start with an endpoint. Use whatever tools you have -- your DVR, Netflix, OnDemand -- to pre-record shows, cue them up, or plan ahead to watch at a specific time. That way, one show won't flow into the other, and you can avoid commercials. If your kids are into YouTube, search for age-appropriate videos, and add them to a playlist to watch later. Because most games don't have built-in endings (and are, in fact, designed to make kids play as long as possible), set a timer or some other cue that says "time to stop."

• Help them balance their day. Kids this age need guidance from you on a daily plan that includes a little bit of time for everything. And staying involved works: Kids whose parents make an effort to limit media use spend less time with media than their peers do, according to a 2010 Kaiser Family Foundation study. Use the American Academy of Pediatrics' worksheets to create a family media plan. 

• Practice what you preach. It's tempting to keep reaching for your phone to check email, texts, Facebook, or the news. But your kids will be the first to call you out for not "walking the talk." Plus, they'll pick up habits from you. Model the media behavior that you want your kids to emulate.

By Christine Elgersma, Senior Editor, Parent Education at Common Sense Media 

If your kid's online, there have probably been times when you've wanted to track everything they've texted, see their entire social media history, or just shut off the internet entirely. Those are the times you wish for the perfect parental controls -- something that will grant you all the access and authority you want without making a bad situation worse. The truth is, while clicking a few buttons on a hardware device or downloading a monitoring service seem like no-brainers, the most effective parental control is free and knows your kid very well. That's right: It's you. Digital tools and settings can help you stay on top of your kid's online life, but can't replace staying involved, having conversations, and helping them make responsible choices. Need more convincing? Here are the key reasons why you are the best parental control around:

Fighting tech with tech can fail.

If they put their minds to it, kids can defeat almost any parental control. One of the truisms of the digital age is that your kids probably know more than you do, and it's easy for them to Google "How do I get around parental controls?" and read step-by-step instructions for dismantling your carefully chosen software or device. Of course, there are tools that do what they promise and offer you some comfort and control … at least for a while. So, if shutting down the internet via a tap is helpful for your family, pairing it with conversations likely will make it more effective. And if your kid does an end run around your parental control, let them learn to code so they can channel their skills in a positive way.

Spying isn't sustainable.

Kids -- especially older kids -- may feel like parental controls invade their privacy. According to one study, the loss of trust prompted by parental controls can weaken your whole relationship. Simply shutting the internet off is one thing, but if you try to track your kid's social media accounts or read their text messages, they may just create new profiles and take their conversations to other platforms far away from your prying eyes. Instead, when you decide it's time for them to go online or have a phone, let them know upfront that you'll do spot-checks -- not to "catch them" or get in their business -- but to support them as they learn balance in the digital world. If you decide to use parental-control devices or platforms, integrate them into ongoing conversations so they can serve as a safety net as your kid is learning the ropes. The world of digital media and its influence on our kids are far too complicated for simple solutions or ultra-strict oversight.

What you say makes more of an impact.

Instead of flipping a switch, be the voice in their head. Teaching and modeling a healthy approach to the online world will have a much more lasting impact. Being able to shut down the internet in your home at key times can be very helpful, but it's also a bit like always fastening your kid's seatbelt for them: Eventually, we want them to remember to buckle up on their own. To get a kid to really remember something, research shows that some information requires repetition over time. A combination of showing them a healthy approach and discussing media and tech use over time, on multiple occasions, will help kids regulate themselves and build skills to carry into adulthood. When you say things like, "Remember to think before you post," "Don't talk to strangers on the internet," and "Use strong privacy settings," they'll remember. As new technology comes and goes, we are our kids' North Star, the constant guidance in a constellation that keeps changing shape, and tech-based parental controls will never shine as brightly as our influence.

Sharing instead of shutting down sparks learning.

Sometimes we let our kids use devices because we're looking for a few minutes to get something finished, and setting time limits and doing spot checks -- verbally or with digital parental controls -- is important. But the more we can watch and play with our kids, the more they'll learn from the media they're using. Research shows that just sitting with your kid while you watch heightens their awareness, which can make them more receptive to learning. It can also boost literacy skills and empathy, and -- since we know our kids best -- when moments come up in media that apply specifically to our kids' lives, we can use those instances to start a discussion, ask questions, and make connections. Also, the more we model this dialogue with media for our kids, the more they can look at it critically, ask questions themselves, and take away lessons for their own lives.

By Angela Zimmerman, Common Sense Media 

When I opened the gates to screen time for my 2-year-old daughter, I was planning to limit it to airplanes and sick days. But with TV and tablets came a whole new colorful world that hooked my tot instantly, and her new word -- "cartoons!" -- became a constant refrain. Almost overnight, her obsession with books and our sweet ritual of reading became a distant memory to her little toddler brain. Screens offered something much more exciting.

I felt OK introducing screen time, especially since most of the time I snuggle up on the couch and watch with her (which is why I now know every single word of Moana), to make the TV time as interactive and educational as I can. And the apps we've let her play with are all highly rated for learning. But when it came time to reading books together, her previously enthusiastic interest was now drawn to a shape-shifting demigod voiced by the Rock.

I was worried. For me, books are more than fun and educational. They're a family tradition. My own lifelong passion for reading was sparked by my mother's nightly read-aloud sessions with me and my sister. We never skipped a night, and it was truly a highlight of my childhood. I may not follow every custom my mom handed down (like her tendency to embroider our names on anything she could stick a needle into), but I know that a love of books is worth preserving. I want my kid to treasure that magical reading time as much as I did growing up, despite the irresistible pull of singing animals, animated princesses, and sweeping soundtracks (seriously, it's hard to compete with Lin-Manuel Miranda).

So I had to dig deep to come up with extra-special reading experiences to compete with all that sparkly screen entertainment. My hope is that these tips and tricks will cultivate positive and passionate literacy habits she'll have the rest of her life. 

Make it a daily ritual.

Every night, without fail, before my daughter heads to bed, we read at least two books together, usually more. On the nights she's wound up and super resistant to sleep, this routine puts her in a mellow mood and helps her relax. By the time I turn the first page, she's already heavy-lidded and sucking her thumb.

Let them pick.

Your kid is bound to have favorite books, and you will inevitably groan inwardly (and probably outwardly) when she asks you to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar for the 200th time. But it's those cherished favorites that will always comfort and entertain. (If we go for a third book, Mommy gets to pick. Otherwise we'd never rotate our library.)

Find a quiet, special space.

We used to read in the rocker next to her crib, but on those nights she didn't want to go to bed, she put up a fight just to enter her room. Then we used to read on the couch, but there are inevitably distractions -- the basketball game is on, the dog is barking at the neighbors, there's music on the stereo. So I created our own special reading space on the bed in the guest room. It's stocked with pillows and blankets, and I light some candles and lay out the book selections on the bed with us. It's our insta-special reading spot! (It sure doesn't take much with a toddler.) You can do this anywhere you have enough room for two.

Don't freak out and completely eliminate screen time.

Once you've introduced TV and tablets to your toddler -- and discovered his or her voracious appetite for it -- you don't need to panic and pack it all in. Well-chosen, high-quality media has proven benefits and is fine when balanced with other activities. Try to be strategic with when, how often, and how much you let them imbibe.

Keep the selection fresh.

Hit the library regularly, and check out stuff by their favorite authors or in their preferred genres. Libraries are key, since you never know what they're going to like, and you don't want to shell out bucks for books they won't touch. Need recommendations? Check out some of Common Sense Media's fave books for toddlers.

Find print books with sensory experiences.

You can load up your Kindle or tablet with digital books when traveling, but let them enjoy the tactile experience of turning pages and touching different textures. My kid loves books with an interactive element, such as flaps and dials or scratch-and-sniff spots. Her favorites include Mama's Pajamas, which has an array of different fabrics, and Dance, which uses cardboard levers to make different animals dance.

Keep 'em all over.

We keep a few books in the car and a stack by the potty, and she gets to take one to bed every night. It may be overkill, but it gives her an opportunity to connect with books at every step. Studies have even shown that having lots of books at home can give kids a big boost in school.

Resist the begging with clever excuses.

When my kid gets really stuck on something and wants to do nothing but watch Frozen, I tell her Elsa and Anna are sleeping. She accepts that without question. Sure, it's a white lie, but it's for her own good (and the sanity of me and my husband). A lifelong love of reading is a gift you can give to your kids that they will carry forever. One day she'll thank me!

By Caroline Knorr, Parenting Editor, Common Sense Media 

As parents, we have a natural instinct to choose who we want our kids to be friends with -- and who we'd rather they not hang around. The same instinct kicks in for media role models. We like Doc McStuffins because she's smart and kind. SpongeBob? Maybe not so much.

In today's 24/7 media environment, in which kids may be spending more time with media than they are with their parents, choosing positive role models is more important than ever. By the time kids are in middle school, they start to look to their peers for a sense of what's socially acceptable or desirable. Parents may remain the primary influence in their kids' lives, but the competition starts to get fierce at this age. This separation is entirely age appropriate. But when the media comes into play, the values you want to pass down to your kids may be competing against, say, Homer Simpson's. Or, folks like Logan Paul, who's YouTube channel has millions of followers and is hugely influential (for all the wrong reasons).

In fact, the stars of social media are just as likely to be role models as traditional celebrities. These so-called influencers reach out to kids via TV, YouTube, video games, Twitter, and music -- all of which are broadcast or easily accessible 24 hours a day. And as we all know, not all the characters or people who gain popularity through these channels have stellar role-model credentials.

The good news is that there are plenty of positive role models you can point to that may influence your kids to make healthy choices, learn to respect others, achieve goals, and avoid anti-social behavior. Negative role models -- especially ones who don't suffer consequences for their actions -- can encourage anti-social behavior, stereotypes, and even cruelty. Help your kids choose positive media role models who embody the values you want to pass down.

Tips for parents of young kids

• Limit screen time. Kids grow and thrive best through personal interaction. Spending time with them, playing, and reading are great ways to build a foundation to impart your values.
• Find age-appropriate content. Kids ages 2-7 should be exposed to media featuring good role moles, racial and gender diversity, and no stereotypes. Check out some of the positive role models on YouTube. 
• Encourage positive socialization. Look for role models who impart positive social lessons, like sharing and being a good friend.
• Respect differences. Encourage kids this age to accept and respect people who are different by exposing them to media that includes people of diverse backgrounds.

Tips for parents of elementary-aged kids

• Avoid stereotypes. Point out strong female characters or male characters who share their feelings. Try not to reinforce stereotypes in media selection (i.e. princess movies for girls and truck videos for boys), since that can reinforce societal imbalances. Take a look at our lists of Positive Role Model TV for Girls and Movies with Incredible Role Models for Boys. 
• Reinforce your values. Point out words and behavior in popular TV shows, websites, and music that are both positive and negative examples of what you do and don't want your kids to model. What you say to your child is up to you, but have the discussion.
• Flag antisocial behavior. Children like to imitate and pretend to be their favorite characters. When characters say mean things or behave cruelly, discuss the consequences.
• Go with the good stuff. Kids will be inspired by great historical figures, athletes, or TV stars. Take advantage of that adoration by pointing out their good traits, as in, "George Washington was honest. Honesty is an important quality." Not: "Lying is bad. Children who lie get in trouble."

Tips for parents of older kids

• Embrace what they like. Rejecting your kids' love of popular culture can close off avenues of communication. Embrace their world, but establish clear boundaries about what you find acceptable and appropriate. Talk about celebrities that cross the line. 
• Help teens balance their need for rebellion and self-expression with an appreciation of acceptable social action. Kids need to understand how to communicate and use media wisely and ethically. If they engage with media that includes antisocial behavior, make sure they understand the impact and potential consequences.
• Let older kids see things you don't agree with. But then discuss exactly what you don't like with them. Since we won't always be around, we need to make sure to instill critical-thinking skills in our kids.
• Don't shy away from pointing the finger. If your kids (or their schoolmates) are heavy media users and they demonstrate or are on the receiving end of any antisocial behavior or experience eating disorders, addictions, low school performance or depression, connect the dots -- and disconnect the source.

By the time kids enter kindergarten today, most are, unsurprisingly, well versed in the basics of digital communication. Which isn’t a bad thing, except if it takes the place entirely of learning to write by hand.

For many kids now, that’s what has happened. When the Common Core Standards became the law of the land in 2009, handwriting curricula was not part of the package. Many schools, feeling the need to pack in more class time for technology instruction and test prep, let handwriting go by the wayside, especially cursive instruction, which was generally taught in second and third grade, but the preference today is to teach in third and fourth grade.

Then something interesting occurred.

“Lots of studies started to show that kids write more, write faster, and express more ideas when they write with a pen or pencil than when on a keyboard,” says Virginia Berninger, a psychologist and Professor Emeritus at the University of Washington, who is a leading researcher on children and handwriting.

Karin James, a psychologist at Indiana University, agrees. She also says the act of physically forming letters engages young brains in unique ways. Not only does it support letter recognition, it also plays a role in early recruitment in letter processing in regions of the brain known to be connected to successful reading. “It helps with spelling, too,” Berninger adds, “because when you link letters into words, you form a spelling unit that makes it easier to pull the word in and out of memory.” Studies have also shown cursive to help children with their expression of ideas, and the accuracy of their reading.

The research that’s come out in the wake of the Common Core Standards has caused a backlash of sorts, with states (14 of them now) adopting formal handwriting curriculum back into the classroom. Yes, keyboarding is essential (and needs to be well taught, meaning attention to professional development for teachers), but there’s value in penmanship, as well. “All the research, over many, many years, points to teaching students to be hybrid writers,” Berninger concludes.

So, what does a hybrid writer look like?

• Ages 6-8 (grades 1 and 2): learn and practice manuscript, aka block letters or print;
• Ages 7-12 (grades 3-7): learn and practice cursive, aka script;
• Ages 9 and up (grades 4+): learn and practice keyboarding, aka touch typing.

Let’s break it down, just a little, so we can help support penmanship at home.

In the early years, from preschool through first grade, we can help kids develop the fine motor skills they need to hold a pencil. Encourage fun activities that work the thumb and pointer finger together: pick-up sticks, crafts with chenille sticks, playing marbles, squeezing eyedroppers, and playing board games like Operation. Put your own phone down from time to time so you can model what it’s like to craft a handwritten card (get their help with affixing the stamp and mailing), create a shopping list, or write special dates on a wall calendar. “We need to show our kids how to use multiple writing tools at every stage,” Berninger says.

When cursive instruction kicks in at school, applaud it! “Every class should have an instructional handwriting class,” says Berninger. “If yours doesn’t, you should ask for it, and if it does, let teachers and administrators know you approve.”

At home don’t drill your kids, workbook style, because studies have shown that children balk when parents act like teachers. Instead, keep it fun. This is a great time to introduce kids to calligraphy, fonts, and typefaces. Check out the works of Linda Scott, the author of lots of Bubble Writer books that are super appealing for young children. Ask your kids to handwrite place cards for dinner using their fanciest script. Have markers and colored pencils in easy reach so kids get as used to picking up a writing implement as they are to pulling out their phones for quick communication.

And then there’s the process of actually learning to type. With two years of formal printing practice, and two more years of rigorous cursive, keyboarding is the final step to raising a hybrid writer. At school this will look like an integrated approach of touch typing and other keyboarding skills into existing literacy programs. “When touch typing is introduced, kids learn it quickly, and it frees them up to look at the screen,” says Berninger. The method is far superior to “hunting and pecking,” which is not efficient at all. The goal is for kids to look at the screen while they type rather than down at the keyboard so they can focus better on their thoughts and ideas. There are tons of touch-typing games online, so orient some screen time in that direction to support the instruction your school-age child is getting at school. 

By Sierra Filucci, Editor, Common Sense Media

Media has a huge influence on kids -- and as kids get older, the online world has an even tighter grip on them. You can see it in the way they imitate their favorite TV characters, pretend to be YouTube stars, or beg for T-shirts, backpacks, or comforters emblazoned with logos. But parents still have a huge influence. And moms play a major role in the development and nurturing of kids in a media-filled world. Here are five ways moms can have a positive impact on kids' (media and tech) lives:

Foster positive body image

Kids get lots of iffy messages about appearance from media. Whether your kid is watching sassy tween TV or scrolling through perfect Instagram photos, they're inundated with bikini pics and muscleman heroes. Not only can moms discuss these media images with kids, but they can choose to ban fat talk and body shaming entirely from their homes. Studies show that moms who criticize their own bodies can have a major impact on how kids feel about their own.

Insist on device-free dinner

Sure, more dads are in the kitchen than ever before, but moms remain the primary person in charge of getting dinner on the table. And that means they can set the tone for the meal -- including insisting that all devices are put away so that families can concentrate on each other. Studies show that sharing meals as a family can help everything from behavior to health.

Choose high-quality media

So often mom are the ones in charge of curating kids' media lives. And we can do a lot to steer kids -- especially little ones -- toward top-notch content, from selecting TV shows that foster empathy and other character-building skills for preschoolers to loading up the tablet with educational apps to keep kids busy -- and learning -- during road trips and more.

Stop texting and driving

While both parents drive kids around, it's often moms who spend the most time in the car with kids. And kids are watching when we pick up the phone for a quick text while cruising down the highway. Nix this habit immediately to set a good example for your future drivers. (Plus, it's super dangerous!)

Raise media-literate kids

Moms are responsible for the majority of shopping in most households. This means it's mom's job to negotiate with kids about which logos, phrases, and characters can appear on kids' T-shirts, backpacks, and more. While there's no shame in buying kids the occasional branded goodie, it's a good idea to help kids understand a little bit about how marketing works. Understanding how media companies make money by selling T-shirts can be one step in teaching kids media literacy.

By Christine Elgersma, Common Sense Media

"Just a sec," say nine out of 10 parents answering an email when their kid asks them for something. If it's hard for us to jump out of the digital world, just imagine you're 3 and the lines between fantasy and reality are already blurred -- then throw in a super-engaging, colorful, fun, immersive experience. Or you're 5 and each episode of Mutt &  Stuff on the Nick Jr. app is better than the last. Or you're 8 and you're almost finished building something amazing in Minecraft. Why would you ever want to stop?

This is why getting kids off their devices is so tough. And when threatening doesn't work, and you discover the research that two-minute warnings aren't the best option either, what can you do? Thankfully, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has some new guidelines around screen use that ease some parental guilt, but you still need to get your kid off the iPad at some point. Aside from being a strong role model, try these tips to minimize conflict and find the balance we're all seeking.

• Have another activity lined up (bonus points for making it seem fun). For the youngest device users, transitions are hard -- period.  Even if the next "to do" is a "must do" (such as eating lunch), tell your kid what's coming next. You can rehearse the process: "When I say stop, it's time for the iPad to go night-night. Let's see how fast you can flip it shut! As soon as it's asleep, we can sneak into the other room and paint."
• Use visual and sound cues to help kids keep track of time limits. For kids who don't yet know how to tell time, try a timer that can help put them in charge of the process: "When the time is up, it'll look and sound like this."
• Find apps with built-in timers. Video streamers like Cakey and Huvi throw parents a bone and have internal timers so the app stops on its own. Then it's up to the parent to make sure kiddo doesn't just jump into another app.
• Tell kids to stop at a natural break, such as the end of an episode, level, or activity. It's hard for kids (and adults!) to stop in the middle of something. Before your kid gets on a device, talk about what they want to do or play, what will be a good place to stop, and how long they think it'll take. Set the limit together and hold to it, though a little wiggle room (a couple of minutes so they can finish) is fine.
• Discuss consequences and follow through when kids test the limits. When all else fails, it's important to have discussed consequences for when your kid won't give it up. For little kids, the line can be something like, "If it's too hard to turn off, the tablet has to go away for a whole day." For older kids it's more about keeping devices in a public space, setting expectations, and enforcing them. If they show you they can be partners in moderating and regulating themselves, there can be more flexibility. 

By Caroline Knorr, Common Sense Media, Parenting Editor

If you believe everything you hear about kids online, you might think pedophiles and cyberbullies are around every cyber-corner. Yes, there is bad stuff out there. But the truth is, there's a lot of good, and some experts are arguing against a "techno-panic mindset" that worries parents unnecessarily. The bottom line is that we can't keep our kids safe if we don't know the facts. Here are the five most popular myths about Internet safety -- and the truths that can set your worries free.

Myth: Social media turns kids into cyberbullies.
Truth: There are many reasons why a kid might cyberbully, and social media is just a convenient way to do the dirty work.

The reality is that kids who engage in this behavior typically have something else going on that compels them to act out. They might be in crisis -- at home, at school, or otherwise socially. They may also be bullying in person, or they may have an underdeveloped sense of empathy. Awareness of a cyberbully's circumstances -- though not excusing the behavior -- can help parents and educators recognize the warning signs and potentially intervene before it goes too far.

Myth: Teaching kids not to talk to strangers is the best way to keep them safe online.
Truth: Teaching kids to recognize predatory behavior will help them avoid unwelcome advances.

In today's world, where kids as young as 8 are interacting with people online, they need to know the boundary between appropriate and inappropriate conversation. Kids are often pressured by their own friends to talk about sex, so they need to know it's OK to tell peers to back off. Go beyond "stranger danger" and teach them what kind of questions are not OK (for example, not OK: "Are you a boy or a girl?"; "Where do you live?"; "What are you wearing?"; "Do you want to have a private conversation?"). Also, teach kids to not go looking for thrills online. Risky online relationships more frequently evolve in chat rooms when teens willingly seek out or engage in sexual conversation.

Myth: Social media alienates kids.
Truth: Most kids say social media strengthens their relationships. 

Most kids want to have fun, hang out, and socialize normally online -- and in fact, according to the Pew Research Internet Project, that's what the majority is doing. Check out these comforting stats:

• 57 percent of all teens have made new friends online
• 84 percent of boys who play networked games with friends feel more connected when they play online 
• 68 percent of teen social media users have had online friends support them through tough or challenging times

And how about the kids who've fought cyberbullying and used the Internet for a social cause? More and more, kids are harnessing the power of the online world -- and busting up a few myths along the way.

Myth: It’s dangerous to post pictures of your kids online.
Truth: If you use privacy settings, limit your audience, and don't ID your kids, it’s pretty safe.

Although it's true that posting anything online invites some risks, there are ways to limit them if you're smart about how you do it.

• Use privacy settings. Make sure your privacy settings are set so only the closest people in your network can view your posts.
• Limit your audience. Only share posts with close family and friends. Or use photo-sharing sites such as Picasa and Flickr that require a log-in to see pics.
• Don't rush your kids into social media. Obey the rules about keeping kids under 13 off social media. Once your kids have an online profile, they can be tagged in photos, which magnifies their online presence. If you're going to upload photos of them, don't identify them and don't tag them -- that way the photo can't be traced back to them.

Myth: Parental controls are the best way to monitor my kids’ online activities.
Truth: Focusing on only one Internet safety method lulls you into a false sense of security.

To keep your kids safe online -- and to raise them to be responsible, respectful digital citizens -- it takes more than installing parental controls. For starters, parental controls can be defeated by determined kids. They also often catch too much in their filters, rendering any Internet search useless, and they set up a "parent vs. kid" dynamic that could backfire.

By all means, use parental controls to help prevent exposure to age-inappropriate material and to manage time limits. But don't think they get you off the hook. Continue to discuss responsible, respectful online behavior, set rules and consequences for misbehavior, and train your kid to manage his or her own usage. 

By Christine Elgersma, Common Sense Media

If it's tough for us grown-ups to figure out what's real news and what's fake these days, imagine how difficult it is for kids. Among hearing opinions at home, talking with friends, learning from teachers, reading things online or in print, and seeing news on television, kids have a lot of information to sift through and a lot of sources to evaluate. According to Common Sense Media's report, News and America's Kids: How Young People Perceive and Are Impacted by the News, kids feel scared and depressed about the news. How can we help them?

The answer is media literacy. And it starts with asking questions. By encouraging kids to question what they see and hear, you train them to think critically about information. With strong media-literacy skills, they'll be informed, engaged, and less likely to be taken in by fake news.

Here are some practical tips to help your kid be a smart consumer of the news.

Don't start believin'.

While it's important to be open-minded, in today's world you have to be just a little skeptical of pretty much everything.

• Little kids can build media-literacy skills by analyzing things such as toy packaging and cereal boxes. Tell them to put on their thinking caps (pantomime it!) to get them ready.
• Tweens and teens can start with a little side-eye -- especially at online news -- and avoid sharing, forwarding, and commenting on stories until they've verified that they're true.

It takes all kinds.

Talk about how there are lots of different kinds of news sources: investigative journalism, research studies, opinion pieces, blogs, punditry, evening news, and so on. 

• Kids will hear about the news at home, at school, and in other communities they're a part of. Explain that "word-of-mouth" stories and rumors aren't always true. Playing an old-school game of telephone might illustrate the idea of how information can get twisted along the way.
• Make sure kids know the difference between fact and opinion. If they're older, talk about objective vs. subjective information and bias. Ask them for examples of undisputable facts and colorful opinions.
• Explain the difference between established news organizations that follow certain professional standards and every other type of publisher.
• Watch out for viral videos. Videos that circulate around the internet may or may not contain nuggets of real news, but they rarely represent the whole situation. And, like photos, videos can be doctored and edited to bend the truth. Check out Photoshop fails for visual examples.

From both sides now.

There's usually more than one side to a story.

• Talking about a real-life situation can help little kids understand the idea that different people have different points of view. Ask: "Remember when you and your sister were arguing? How many sides to the story were there?"
• Older kids already understand the concept of perspective but might need help to transfer the idea to the news. Ask them to consider how different audiences (by gender, race, and culture) might interpret a story.

Play bad cop.

Interrogate the source.

• Walk kids through the questions they can ask to test a source's validity:
  • Who made this?
  • Why did they make it? 
  • Is it for or against something or someone? 
  • Are they trying to get a big reaction from me or just inform me? How can I tell?
  • Is anyone else reporting this news?
• Look for signs that the source is legit and not fake, such as a clear "About Us" section and a standard URL (for example, ".com" instead of ".com.co").
• Older kids can dig deeper with fact-checking websites.

Putting the pieces together.

Sometimes the news can be like a puzzle with information coming in bits.

• Just as with a puzzle, we need more than one piece to see the whole picture, so checking other sources is critical.
• Remind kids that it's hard to have all the facts all at once. Even respected news outlets make mistakes or jump the gun. It's smart to wait to make up your mind about something until you have more information.
• Model a wise approach to news by using media-literacy skills yourself. Show kids how you check other sources and ask questions to get as much truth as possible.
• Leave some space for kids to make up their own minds. Of course we want them to respect our values and beliefs, but we also want kids to hold them up to the light to see for themselves.