technology

“Adam just caught the most gigantic bass, Mom,” my son exclaims as if Adam is a neighbor, a school friend, or at the very least, someone I know. But I quickly realize my eleven-year-old son is referring to one of his favorite “YouTubers.” Adam and others like him are creeping more and more into my son’s conversation and I recognize he’s learning new terminology, visiting new places, and encountering a host of new experiences. For this reason, I am eager to get to know Adam, understand the reason for my son’s enthusiasm, and explore what he is teaching through his videos.

My son is not alone. A large number of U.S. children have told Highlights in their 2018 State of the Kid survey that celebrities are a key and growing influencer in their lives. Yes, parents remain the top influencer and second and importantly, teachers also capture children’s admiration. But increasingly our children also look to the personalities on their screens for role modeling. Whether it’s an e-gamer (playing competitive video games) or a reality television show star or a professional athlete, fifteen percent of children ages 6-12 report that they admire and respect celebrities. In addition to noting that those role models are caring and kind, they said they were generous, helped others, were smart, and knowledgeable.

It’s no surprise that celebrities are rising in their influence considering that the average child is on screens between seven and eight hours per day. As parents, we know the dangers that lurk with a simple word search and click of a “return” key, so we may feel worried, even fearful, as our child explores the world through our home screens. Yet if she or he were to join a club, organization, or extracurricular, we wouldn’t hesitate to get to know those involved. The same is true for our child’s digital community.

We have an opportunity to lean in and learn from our resident experts and enthusiasts, our children. It won’t serve our trusting relationship if we play “Gotcha!” attempting to catch our child straying into the danger zone. But if we genuinely express interest and allow our child to lead our exploration, they may just grant us entry. We’ll have the chance to become reflective with them about what they are viewing, preparing our kids with the skills and tools they need to become screen smart. In turn, we’ll grow in our own ability to trust their new and ever-expanding world.

How to Connect Over Celebs

Getting to know our child’s influencers when we can shake a hand and make eye contact seems do-able. But what about celebrity influencers? How do we get to know them? Here are a few tips for parents.

1. Ask your child about their interests and influencers with an open mind.

Though we may fear what they could run into as they surf the web, their digital community is just that, yet another group they engage with. If your child joined a school club like the Girl Scouts, you’d learn more about all of the individuals involved. So too with their digital community, get to know the players involved led by your child.

2. Select and review new content together.

Help your child learn to become proactive about reviewing appropriateness of content with you and explain why that’s important showing the benefit. If your child has ever encountered a terrifying video, ask if those images have stayed in his or her mind. That’s an easy, relatable way to explain that not all content is appropriate or desirable (for kids and for adults!). Seek out review sites like Common Sense Media. Together type in the new app, game, or movie and learn more before viewing!

3. Share regular updates on influencers.

At family dinners, the conversation may naturally turn to the events of the day. If you know that a YouTube star is influencing your child, then bring that influencer into your conversation. “What’s he up to lately?” If that star makes a poor decision that could herself or others, discuss her other choices and the real-world consequences of those choices. Keeping an open conversation can not only give you invaluable insights into who your child is looking to for social cues, but also could keep your child safe, since she’ll know she can come to you if and when there is a problem.

4. Replace fear with curiosity and empathy.

After all, fear comes from the unknown. If we, as parents, are in touch with our child’s influencers, we don’t have to fear them. We can recall our own experiences of teen idol posters taped up on our bedroom walls. Or recall when we dog-eared and carefully noted the time when a television special would air our favorite star. Our children are feeling that same glow of admiration. And we can join in their enjoyment as we cuddle up next to them and their iPad to learn more.

The community of influencers on our children has and will continue to grow. Our ability to reach out, learn, and connect with those individuals will only deepen our trust and intimacy with our children. As for me, I’m delighted that my son, his friends, and indeed U.S. children are focused on learning from adults who are caring, kind, and generous.

By Caroline Knorr, Parenting Editor, Common Sense Media 

Some schools use a little technology: a few educational apps to mix things up, maybe a weekly trip to the computer lab. Some use a lot: one-to-one device programs, class management systems, and automated grade-reporting. Many districts are even adopting schoolwide networks with names you'll recognize, such as Google Classroom and the Facebook-engineered Summit Learning System. Time will tell if all this technology better prepares students for a digital world. But one thing is true: If it's digital, it uses data, and that means your kid's information is more valuable -- and more vulnerable -- than ever. Schools need to safeguard student privacy as fiercely as a mama bear -- and you, as the parent, need to know how they're doing it. Here are the right questions to ask, and the answers you should expect, to make sure any tech your kid uses at school is protecting your kid's privacy.

How does the school decide if the educational software or apps it uses protect my kid's privacy?

Your kid's school should review the privacy policies of any software or device that requires your kid to log in with a screen name and password. You can ask for a copy of the product's privacy policy, or you can talk to the teacher or your principal to get assurances that they know what they're doing.

What you should hear in the school's answer:

• Stored data is encrypted, password protected, and only available to certain administrators who need it for educational purposes. Ask who that person is.
• Companies don't collect more information than they need for educational purposes -- and those reasons are clearly and narrowly defined. Keep an eye out for requests for personal information that don't seem relevant to education (for example, your religious beliefs).
• Companies don't trade or sell student info to others. If you suspect your kid's information has been sold (because you're receiving ads in the mail, etc.), notify your school administrator.
• More than one person (for example, a teacher, administrator, and an IT professional) reviews the companies' policies. Ask for their names in case you need them.

Even better: The company supplying the software has undergone some sort of third-party vetting or evaluation process -- such as the evaluation offered by Common Sense Media's Privacy Initiative. The list of companies and software used is frequently updated and accessible to parents and students. Find out where the list is.

What information does the school collect and how is it stored? 

Schools need to offer a clear educational purpose for any personal information it asks for. (Social Security numbers are an example of information many schools have collected in the past, but not any longer because they couldn't justify the educational purpose of collecting that data.)

What you should hear in the school's answer:

• The school asks for basic identification only -- for example, name, address, and phone number.
• The school encrypts any information it receives and uses security procedures to protect any data in transit. That means no one can read the information without authorized security clearance and a password. Ask how they do this.

Even better: The school restricts access to information solely to those who need to know it -- for example, only a school nurse has access to medical information, via passwords, technical controls, or other physical safeguards. The school deletes information once it is no longer needed for your kid's education or required to be kept by state or federal law. Ask exactly when your kid’s information will be deleted.

Who can get access to the school's list of students and their contact information?

Federal law limits who can get access to a school's directory of basic stuff like your kid's name, address, telephone number, and other general information.

What you should hear in the school's answer:

• Schools comply with the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) by notifying parents of any information that they collect and what directory information includes, as well as providing parents the choice to to opt out.
• The method of notification is up to the school, so ideally they should use methods that will get your attention, such as a letter sent home that you have to sign. Ask how they notify parents: by email, a letter home, etc.?
• Ideally, schools offer easily accessible and flexible opt-in and opt-out consent options -- not merely one blanket form that opts you into, or out of, everything.
• Some schools offer a checklist that lets you choose which information to share with which third parties. For example, you may feel comfortable sharing your student's name and address with the developer of your kid's reading software application, but you may not feel comfortable sharing your student’s dates of attendance.
• Or even though the school is allowed to share directory information with your kid's after-school program, it gives you the option not to. Ask how your school manages distributing this information.

Even better: Under FERPA, schools are actually allowed to disclose certain directory information without your consent. A yearbook publisher, a class-ring manufacturer, and military recruiters are a few examples of outside organizations to which the school can send directory information. But some of this information is fairly personal, including place of birth, honors, awards, and dates of attendance. A school that's being careful will ask for consent before disclosing this or any other information. Ask if your school does this.

When do I need to provide consent for my student to use software at school?

Schools are allowed to provide consent on behalf of parents when they're using an app that collects information solely for educational purposes, such as an app that helps teachers take attendance. The school, the district, or an authorized teacher should ask parents to provide consent if any software or applications used in the classroom will collect information from students that's not for an exclusively educational purpose. When parental consent is requested the notice to parents should include how they can provide consent and what practices they are consenting to.

What you should hear in the school's answer:

• Schools should notify parents, for example as a list on their webpage, of all educational software that the school has consented to students using, what data it's collecting, how the data is used, and how the data is protected.
• Schools should generally not ask for parental consent as a way to limit their own liability. When schools ask for consent, the school should have verified beforehand that the software is safe and that there is no safer or non-commerical alternative that could substitute for that software.

Even better: Schools ask for consent when they use educational products that are not essential. For example, if a student could learn a concept using an existing math worksheet rather than playing a digital math game -- and the teacher wouldn't have to create a worksheet specifically for that student -- the game is likely not essential. In that case it's nice if schools want to give parents the option to consent or not.

What's the school's policy on Bring Your Own Device (BYOD)?

BYOD programs are a lower-cost way for schools to integrate technology into the classroom. But tablets and laptops store a lot of sensitive information, including personal data (name, address, etc.), raw data such as performance reports, and "cookies" -- the personal identifiers that track your student’s path around the internet. Also, many students may not have reliable broadband internet access at home in which to complete online assignments, so BYOD should be used in conjunction with other programs at school.

What you should hear in the school's answer:

• The school vets the privacy policies of all third-party programs installed on your student’s devices and makes sure that they comply with the Children's Online Privacy and Protection Act (COPPA). Look up any app the school recommends on Common Sense Media or Common Sense Education to double-check its practices.

Even better: The school has a written process about device searches (which includes notifying you before the device is searched). Schools should ideally not install monitoring software, track the device's location, or remotely access the camera on a student's personal device. Be aware though that schools are required to monitor their internet networks under federal law, and some student data may be collected through that monitoring. Ask who within the school and district can access any device-specific tracking information and when this information is deleted.

Happiness is a warm puppy. If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. Don't worry, be happy! Rules for how to live happily are nothing new. But lately, our well-being -- and that of our kids -- seems to be in free fall. Depression, anxiety, and even youth suicide rates are increasing, as is cell phone and device use and the constant expectation to be "on." Raising kids to be happy in today's world isn't impossible: Many generations of parents have managed to do so when the threats were way worse than FOMO. We just need to rewrite the rules for the digital age.

The quest to make sure our kids are happy may have led us in the wrong direction. While media and tech deserve some of the blame for our collective stress, no one really knows how much. However, we do know that turning everything off doesn't magically make us happier. In fact, studies show that some types of screen-based activities can be beneficial -- and we all know the warm, fuzzy feeling we get when we enjoy media together. As more research emerges on the impact of media and tech on kids' mental health, it confirms what we've always known about how to be happy: Supportive relationships, a feeling of self-worth, strong character, and other positive influences are what really matter. And while you can’t mandate joy, supporting your kid -- both online and off -- creates an environment where happiness is there for the taking. These tips can help you raise a happy kid in the digital age:

Get gritty. 

Grit -- the combination of perseverance and resilience that helps you bounce back from disappointments -- plays an important role in well-being. At school, online, and even with friends, kids feel pressured to achieve something on the first try. Instead, instill what’s called a "growth mindset," the process of trying, failing, and learning from mistakes. When they feel defeated, their inner voice will say, "You got this!"

Nourish their sense of self-worth. 

Likes, comments, and other indicators of online status are part of kids' social-media lives. But there's a tipping point when a kid’s perfectly natural curiosity about what others think about them turns into a harmful fixation on peer validation that can cause depression. You can help inoculate your kid against this by fostering an internal sense of self-worth. Encourage activities and hobbies that give kids a sense of accomplishment on their own terms.

Be grateful. 

Being aware and thankful is a tried-and-true life hack that leads to a stronger sense of well-being. You can actually use media and tech to cultivate a sense of gratitude. Check out sites and apps that let kids help make the world a better place. Watch TV shows and movies that inspire gratitude. At home, create a culture of appreciation by discussing what you're grateful for. Check out Greater Good Magazine's Gratitude page for more ideas.

Go outside. 

Seriously, that's all you need to do. Nature is scientifically proven to boost well-being. If you need inspiration, watch nature movies or download apps that encourage outdoor exploration. Or just put down your phone, close the laptop, turn off the TV, and go for a walk.

Foster connection.

In the digital age, kids can make new friends and strengthen existing relationships online, whether it's in a rousing game of Fortnite, a few hearts on Instagram, or even a FaceTime session with the grandparents. But the happiest people are the ones who consistently find a balance between screens and the rest of life. And as the grown-ups, we're the ones who need to model healthy habits. So, carve out screen-free times at home. Unplug everything so you can make eye contact and really listen to family and friends without distractions. By all means, enjoy media together -- but set limits so it doesn't interfere with face-to-face interactions.

By Caroline Knorr, Parenting Editor, Common Sense Media

In many homes, getting kids to turn off their cell phones, shut down the video games, or quit YouTube can incite a revolt. And if your kids say they need to be online for schoolwork, you may not know when the research stops and idle activity begins.

When it comes to screen time, every family will have different amounts of time that they think is "enough." What's important is giving it some thought, creating age-appropriate limits (with built-in flexibility for special circumstances), making media choices you're comfortable with, and modeling responsible screen limits for your kids. Try these age-based guidelines to create screen rules that stick.

Preschoolers. There are lots of great TV shows, apps, games, and websites geared for this age. But too much time spent in front of a screen can interfere with activities that are essential for growing brains and bodies.

• Go for quality and age-appropriateness. Not everything for preschoolers needs to be a so-called "brain-builder," but there's a difference between mindless and mindful entertainment. Our reviews can steer you toward titles that help preschoolers work on developmental skills like sharing, cooperation, and emotional intelligence.

• Sit with them, and enjoy the discovery process. There will always be moments when you need to rely on the TV or an app to distract your preschooler while you get something done. But as much as you can, enjoy media together. Little hands and developing brains really benefit from your company (and guidance!).

• Begin setting limits when kids are little. Habits get ingrained early, so try to establish clear screen-time rules when your kids are young. For games, apps, and websites, you may need to set a timer. For TV, just say "one show."

Elementary and Middle Schoolers. At this age, kids love TV shows, games, movies, and online videos. They begin to explore more and hear about new shows and games from friends. Because they can access these things by themselves, it's crucial to continue to supervise their activities and help them stick to your rules.

• Start with an endpoint. Use whatever tools you have -- your DVR, Netflix, OnDemand -- to pre-record shows, cue them up, or plan ahead to watch at a specific time. That way, one show won't flow into the other, and you can avoid commercials. If your kids are into YouTube, search for age-appropriate videos, and add them to a playlist to watch later. Because most games don't have built-in endings (and are, in fact, designed to make kids play as long as possible), set a timer or some other cue that says "time to stop."

• Help them balance their day. Kids this age need guidance from you on a daily plan that includes a little bit of time for everything. And staying involved works: Kids whose parents make an effort to limit media use spend less time with media than their peers do, according to a 2010 Kaiser Family Foundation study. Use the American Academy of Pediatrics' worksheets to create a family media plan. 

• Practice what you preach. It's tempting to keep reaching for your phone to check email, texts, Facebook, or the news. But your kids will be the first to call you out for not "walking the talk." Plus, they'll pick up habits from you. Model the media behavior that you want your kids to emulate.

By Christine Elgersma, Senior Editor, Parent Education at Common Sense Media 

If your kid's online, there have probably been times when you've wanted to track everything they've texted, see their entire social media history, or just shut off the internet entirely. Those are the times you wish for the perfect parental controls -- something that will grant you all the access and authority you want without making a bad situation worse. The truth is, while clicking a few buttons on a hardware device or downloading a monitoring service seem like no-brainers, the most effective parental control is free and knows your kid very well. That's right: It's you. Digital tools and settings can help you stay on top of your kid's online life, but can't replace staying involved, having conversations, and helping them make responsible choices. Need more convincing? Here are the key reasons why you are the best parental control around:

Fighting tech with tech can fail.

If they put their minds to it, kids can defeat almost any parental control. One of the truisms of the digital age is that your kids probably know more than you do, and it's easy for them to Google "How do I get around parental controls?" and read step-by-step instructions for dismantling your carefully chosen software or device. Of course, there are tools that do what they promise and offer you some comfort and control … at least for a while. So, if shutting down the internet via a tap is helpful for your family, pairing it with conversations likely will make it more effective. And if your kid does an end run around your parental control, let them learn to code so they can channel their skills in a positive way.

Spying isn't sustainable.

Kids -- especially older kids -- may feel like parental controls invade their privacy. According to one study, the loss of trust prompted by parental controls can weaken your whole relationship. Simply shutting the internet off is one thing, but if you try to track your kid's social media accounts or read their text messages, they may just create new profiles and take their conversations to other platforms far away from your prying eyes. Instead, when you decide it's time for them to go online or have a phone, let them know upfront that you'll do spot-checks -- not to "catch them" or get in their business -- but to support them as they learn balance in the digital world. If you decide to use parental-control devices or platforms, integrate them into ongoing conversations so they can serve as a safety net as your kid is learning the ropes. The world of digital media and its influence on our kids are far too complicated for simple solutions or ultra-strict oversight.

What you say makes more of an impact.

Instead of flipping a switch, be the voice in their head. Teaching and modeling a healthy approach to the online world will have a much more lasting impact. Being able to shut down the internet in your home at key times can be very helpful, but it's also a bit like always fastening your kid's seatbelt for them: Eventually, we want them to remember to buckle up on their own. To get a kid to really remember something, research shows that some information requires repetition over time. A combination of showing them a healthy approach and discussing media and tech use over time, on multiple occasions, will help kids regulate themselves and build skills to carry into adulthood. When you say things like, "Remember to think before you post," "Don't talk to strangers on the internet," and "Use strong privacy settings," they'll remember. As new technology comes and goes, we are our kids' North Star, the constant guidance in a constellation that keeps changing shape, and tech-based parental controls will never shine as brightly as our influence.

Sharing instead of shutting down sparks learning.

Sometimes we let our kids use devices because we're looking for a few minutes to get something finished, and setting time limits and doing spot checks -- verbally or with digital parental controls -- is important. But the more we can watch and play with our kids, the more they'll learn from the media they're using. Research shows that just sitting with your kid while you watch heightens their awareness, which can make them more receptive to learning. It can also boost literacy skills and empathy, and -- since we know our kids best -- when moments come up in media that apply specifically to our kids' lives, we can use those instances to start a discussion, ask questions, and make connections. Also, the more we model this dialogue with media for our kids, the more they can look at it critically, ask questions themselves, and take away lessons for their own lives.

By Angela Zimmerman, Common Sense Media 

When I opened the gates to screen time for my 2-year-old daughter, I was planning to limit it to airplanes and sick days. But with TV and tablets came a whole new colorful world that hooked my tot instantly, and her new word—"cartoons!"—became a constant refrain. Almost overnight, her obsession with books and our sweet ritual of reading became a distant memory to her little toddler brain. Screens offered something much more exciting.

I felt OK introducing screen time, especially since most of the time I snuggle up on the couch and watch with her (which is why I now know every single word of Moana), to make the TV time as interactive and educational as I can. And the apps we've let her play with are all highly rated for learning. But when it came time to reading books together, her previously enthusiastic interest was now drawn to a shape-shifting demigod voiced by the Rock.

I was worried. For me, books are more than fun and educational. They're a family tradition. My own lifelong passion for reading was sparked by my mother's nightly read-aloud sessions with me and my sister. We never skipped a night, and it was truly a highlight of my childhood. I may not follow every custom my mom handed down (like her tendency to embroider our names on anything she could stick a needle into), but I know that a love of books is worth preserving. I want my kid to treasure that magical reading time as much as I did growing up, despite the irresistible pull of singing animals, animated princesses, and sweeping soundtracks (seriously, it's hard to compete with Lin-Manuel Miranda).

So I had to dig deep to come up with extra-special reading experiences to compete with all that sparkly screen entertainment. My hope is that these tips and tricks will cultivate positive and passionate literacy habits she'll have the rest of her life. 

Make it a daily ritual.

Every night, without fail, before my daughter heads to bed, we read at least two books together, usually more. On the nights she's wound up and super resistant to sleep, this routine puts her in a mellow mood and helps her relax. By the time I turn the first page, she's already heavy-lidded and sucking her thumb.

Let them pick.

Your kid is bound to have favorite books, and you will inevitably groan inwardly (and probably outwardly) when she asks you to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar for the 200th time. But it's those cherished favorites that will always comfort and entertain. (If we go for a third book, Mommy gets to pick. Otherwise we'd never rotate our library.)

Find a quiet, special space.

We used to read in the rocker next to her crib, but on those nights she didn't want to go to bed, she put up a fight just to enter her room. Then we used to read on the couch, but there are inevitably distractions—the basketball game is on, the dog is barking at the neighbors, there's music on the stereo. So I created our own special reading space on the bed in the guest room. It's stocked with pillows and blankets, and I light some candles and lay out the book selections on the bed with us. It's our insta-special reading spot! (It sure doesn't take much with a toddler.) You can do this anywhere you have enough room for two.

Don't freak out and completely eliminate screen time.

Once you've introduced TV and tablets to your toddler—and discovered his or her voracious appetite for it—you don't need to panic and pack it all in. Well-chosen, high-quality media has proven benefits and is fine when balanced with other activities. Try to be strategic with when, how often, and how much you let them imbibe.

Keep the selection fresh.

Hit the library regularly, and check out stuff by their favorite authors or in their preferred genres. Libraries are key, since you never know what they're going to like, and you don't want to shell out bucks for books they won't touch. Need recommendations? Check out some of Common Sense Media's fave books for toddlers.

Find print books with sensory experiences.

You can load up your Kindle or tablet with digital books when traveling, but let them enjoy the tactile experience of turning pages and touching different textures. My kid loves books with an interactive element, such as flaps and dials or scratch-and-sniff spots. Her favorites include Mama's Pajamas, which has an array of different fabrics, and Dance, which uses cardboard levers to make different animals dance.

Keep 'em all over.

We keep a few books in the car and a stack by the potty, and she gets to take one to bed every night. It may be overkill, but it gives her an opportunity to connect with books at every step. Studies have even shown that having lots of books at home can give kids a big boost in school.

Resist the begging with clever excuses.

When my kid gets really stuck on something and wants to do nothing but watch Frozen, I tell her Elsa and Anna are sleeping. She accepts that without question. Sure, it's a white lie, but it's for her own good (and the sanity of me and my husband). A lifelong love of reading is a gift you can give to your kids that they will carry forever. One day she'll thank me!

By Caroline Knorr, Parenting Editor, Common Sense Media 

As parents, we have a natural instinct to choose who we want our kids to be friends with -- and who we'd rather they not hang around. The same instinct kicks in for media role models. We like Doc McStuffins because she's smart and kind. SpongeBob? Maybe not so much.

In today's 24/7 media environment, in which kids may be spending more time with media than they are with their parents, choosing positive role models is more important than ever. By the time kids are in middle school, they start to look to their peers for a sense of what's socially acceptable or desirable. Parents may remain the primary influence in their kids' lives, but the competition starts to get fierce at this age. This separation is entirely age appropriate. But when the media comes into play, the values you want to pass down to your kids may be competing against, say, Homer Simpson's. Or, folks like Logan Paul, who's YouTube channel has millions of followers and is hugely influential (for all the wrong reasons).

In fact, the stars of social media are just as likely to be role models as traditional celebrities. These so-called influencers reach out to kids via TV, YouTube, video games, Twitter, and music -- all of which are broadcast or easily accessible 24 hours a day. And as we all know, not all the characters or people who gain popularity through these channels have stellar role-model credentials.

The good news is that there are plenty of positive role models you can point to that may influence your kids to make healthy choices, learn to respect others, achieve goals, and avoid anti-social behavior. Negative role models -- especially ones who don't suffer consequences for their actions -- can encourage anti-social behavior, stereotypes, and even cruelty. Help your kids choose positive media role models who embody the values you want to pass down.

Tips for parents of young kids

• Limit screen time. Kids grow and thrive best through personal interaction. Spending time with them, playing, and reading are great ways to build a foundation to impart your values.
• Find age-appropriate content. Kids ages 2-7 should be exposed to media featuring good role moles, racial and gender diversity, and no stereotypes. Check out some of the positive role models on YouTube. 
• Encourage positive socialization. Look for role models who impart positive social lessons, like sharing and being a good friend.
• Respect differences. Encourage kids this age to accept and respect people who are different by exposing them to media that includes people of diverse backgrounds.

Tips for parents of elementary-aged kids

• Avoid stereotypes. Point out strong female characters or male characters who share their feelings. Try not to reinforce stereotypes in media selection (i.e. princess movies for girls and truck videos for boys), since that can reinforce societal imbalances. Take a look at our lists of Positive Role Model TV for Girls and Movies with Incredible Role Models for Boys. 
• Reinforce your values. Point out words and behavior in popular TV shows, websites, and music that are both positive and negative examples of what you do and don't want your kids to model. What you say to your child is up to you, but have the discussion.
• Flag antisocial behavior. Children like to imitate and pretend to be their favorite characters. When characters say mean things or behave cruelly, discuss the consequences.
• Go with the good stuff. Kids will be inspired by great historical figures, athletes, or TV stars. Take advantage of that adoration by pointing out their good traits, as in, "George Washington was honest. Honesty is an important quality." Not: "Lying is bad. Children who lie get in trouble."

Tips for parents of older kids

• Embrace what they like. Rejecting your kids' love of popular culture can close off avenues of communication. Embrace their world, but establish clear boundaries about what you find acceptable and appropriate. Talk about celebrities that cross the line. 
• Help teens balance their need for rebellion and self-expression with an appreciation of acceptable social action. Kids need to understand how to communicate and use media wisely and ethically. If they engage with media that includes antisocial behavior, make sure they understand the impact and potential consequences.
• Let older kids see things you don't agree with. But then discuss exactly what you don't like with them. Since we won't always be around, we need to make sure to instill critical-thinking skills in our kids.
• Don't shy away from pointing the finger. If your kids (or their schoolmates) are heavy media users and they demonstrate or are on the receiving end of any antisocial behavior or experience eating disorders, addictions, low school performance or depression, connect the dots -- and disconnect the source.

By the time kids enter kindergarten today, most are, unsurprisingly, well versed in the basics of digital communication. Which isn’t a bad thing, except if it takes the place entirely of learning to write by hand.

For many kids now, that’s what has happened. When the Common Core Standards became the law of the land in 2009, handwriting curricula was not part of the package. Many schools, feeling the need to pack in more class time for technology instruction and test prep, let handwriting go by the wayside, especially cursive instruction, which was generally taught in second and third grade, but the preference today is to teach in third and fourth grade.

Then something interesting occurred.

“Lots of studies started to show that kids write more, write faster, and express more ideas when they write with a pen or pencil than when on a keyboard,” says Virginia Berninger, a psychologist and Professor Emeritus at the University of Washington, who is a leading researcher on children and handwriting.

Karin James, a psychologist at Indiana University, agrees. She also says the act of physically forming letters engages young brains in unique ways. Not only does it support letter recognition, it also plays a role in early recruitment in letter processing in regions of the brain known to be connected to successful reading. “It helps with spelling, too,” Berninger adds, “because when you link letters into words, you form a spelling unit that makes it easier to pull the word in and out of memory.” Studies have also shown cursive to help children with their expression of ideas, and the accuracy of their reading.

The research that’s come out in the wake of the Common Core Standards has caused a backlash of sorts, with states (14 of them now) adopting formal handwriting curriculum back into the classroom. Yes, keyboarding is essential (and needs to be well taught, meaning attention to professional development for teachers), but there’s value in penmanship, as well. “All the research, over many, many years, points to teaching students to be hybrid writers,” Berninger concludes.

So, what does a hybrid writer look like?

• Ages 6-8 (grades 1 and 2): learn and practice manuscript, aka block letters or print;
• Ages 7-12 (grades 3-7): learn and practice cursive, aka script;
• Ages 9 and up (grades 4+): learn and practice keyboarding, aka touch typing.

Let’s break it down, just a little, so we can help support penmanship at home.

In the early years, from preschool through first grade, we can help kids develop the fine motor skills they need to hold a pencil. Encourage fun activities that work the thumb and pointer finger together: pick-up sticks, crafts with chenille sticks, playing marbles, squeezing eyedroppers, and playing board games like Operation. Put your own phone down from time to time so you can model what it’s like to craft a handwritten card (get their help with affixing the stamp and mailing), create a shopping list, or write special dates on a wall calendar. “We need to show our kids how to use multiple writing tools at every stage,” Berninger says.

When cursive instruction kicks in at school, applaud it! “Every class should have an instructional handwriting class,” says Berninger. “If yours doesn’t, you should ask for it, and if it does, let teachers and administrators know you approve.”

At home don’t drill your kids, workbook style, because studies have shown that children balk when parents act like teachers. Instead, keep it fun. This is a great time to introduce kids to calligraphy, fonts, and typefaces. Check out the works of Linda Scott, the author of lots of Bubble Writer books that are super appealing for young children. Ask your kids to handwrite place cards for dinner using their fanciest script. Have markers and colored pencils in easy reach so kids get as used to picking up a writing implement as they are to pulling out their phones for quick communication.

And then there’s the process of actually learning to type. With two years of formal printing practice, and two more years of rigorous cursive, keyboarding is the final step to raising a hybrid writer. At school this will look like an integrated approach of touch typing and other keyboarding skills into existing literacy programs. “When touch typing is introduced, kids learn it quickly, and it frees them up to look at the screen,” says Berninger. The method is far superior to “hunting and pecking,” which is not efficient at all. The goal is for kids to look at the screen while they type rather than down at the keyboard so they can focus better on their thoughts and ideas. There are tons of touch-typing games online, so orient some screen time in that direction to support the instruction your school-age child is getting at school. 

By Sierra Filucci, Editor, Common Sense Media

Media has a huge influence on kids -- and as kids get older, the online world has an even tighter grip on them. You can see it in the way they imitate their favorite TV characters, pretend to be YouTube stars, or beg for T-shirts, backpacks, or comforters emblazoned with logos. But parents still have a huge influence. And moms play a major role in the development and nurturing of kids in a media-filled world. Here are five ways moms can have a positive impact on kids' (media and tech) lives:

Foster positive body image

Kids get lots of iffy messages about appearance from media. Whether your kid is watching sassy tween TV or scrolling through perfect Instagram photos, they're inundated with bikini pics and muscleman heroes. Not only can moms discuss these media images with kids, but they can choose to ban fat talk and body shaming entirely from their homes. Studies show that moms who criticize their own bodies can have a major impact on how kids feel about their own.

Insist on device-free dinner

Sure, more dads are in the kitchen than ever before, but moms remain the primary person in charge of getting dinner on the table. And that means they can set the tone for the meal -- including insisting that all devices are put away so that families can concentrate on each other. Studies show that sharing meals as a family can help everything from behavior to health.

Choose high-quality media

So often mom are the ones in charge of curating kids' media lives. And we can do a lot to steer kids -- especially little ones -- toward top-notch content, from selecting TV shows that foster empathy and other character-building skills for preschoolers to loading up the tablet with educational apps to keep kids busy -- and learning -- during road trips and more.

Stop texting and driving

While both parents drive kids around, it's often moms who spend the most time in the car with kids. And kids are watching when we pick up the phone for a quick text while cruising down the highway. Nix this habit immediately to set a good example for your future drivers. (Plus, it's super dangerous!)

Raise media-literate kids

Moms are responsible for the majority of shopping in most households. This means it's mom's job to negotiate with kids about which logos, phrases, and characters can appear on kids' T-shirts, backpacks, and more. While there's no shame in buying kids the occasional branded goodie, it's a good idea to help kids understand a little bit about how marketing works. Understanding how media companies make money by selling T-shirts can be one step in teaching kids media literacy.

By Christine Elgersma, Common Sense Media

"Just a sec," say nine out of 10 parents answering an email when their kid asks them for something. If it's hard for us to jump out of the digital world, just imagine you're 3 and the lines between fantasy and reality are already blurred -- then throw in a super-engaging, colorful, fun, immersive experience. Or you're 5 and each episode of Mutt &  Stuff on the Nick Jr. app is better than the last. Or you're 8 and you're almost finished building something amazing in Minecraft. Why would you ever want to stop?

This is why getting kids off their devices is so tough. And when threatening doesn't work, and you discover the research that two-minute warnings aren't the best option either, what can you do? Thankfully, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has some new guidelines around screen use that ease some parental guilt, but you still need to get your kid off the iPad at some point. Aside from being a strong role model, try these tips to minimize conflict and find the balance we're all seeking.

• Have another activity lined up (bonus points for making it seem fun). For the youngest device users, transitions are hard -- period.  Even if the next "to do" is a "must do" (such as eating lunch), tell your kid what's coming next. You can rehearse the process: "When I say stop, it's time for the iPad to go night-night. Let's see how fast you can flip it shut! As soon as it's asleep, we can sneak into the other room and paint."
• Use visual and sound cues to help kids keep track of time limits. For kids who don't yet know how to tell time, try a timer that can help put them in charge of the process: "When the time is up, it'll look and sound like this."
• Find apps with built-in timers. Video streamers like Cakey and Huvi throw parents a bone and have internal timers so the app stops on its own. Then it's up to the parent to make sure kiddo doesn't just jump into another app.
• Tell kids to stop at a natural break, such as the end of an episode, level, or activity. It's hard for kids (and adults!) to stop in the middle of something. Before your kid gets on a device, talk about what they want to do or play, what will be a good place to stop, and how long they think it'll take. Set the limit together and hold to it, though a little wiggle room (a couple of minutes so they can finish) is fine.
• Discuss consequences and follow through when kids test the limits. When all else fails, it's important to have discussed consequences for when your kid won't give it up. For little kids, the line can be something like, "If it's too hard to turn off, the tablet has to go away for a whole day." For older kids it's more about keeping devices in a public space, setting expectations, and enforcing them. If they show you they can be partners in moderating and regulating themselves, there can be more flexibility.