So your candidate won the election. Or lost the election. In the aftermath, you're probably sorting through a tangle of intense thoughts and feelings. But know this: Our kids are watching. And they are picking up on what they see at home, on the news, and in their communities. Too often what they’re hearing and seeing are strong expressions of anger, fear, and despair. The events of yesterday when a threatening mob successfully stormed the U.S. Capitol certainly confused and frightened many children.

But kids can also, just as easily, absorb feelings of trust, hope, and optimism. After a highly contentious campaign season and in a post-election period that finds us still deeply divided as a nation, we best serve our kids if we Stay Calm and Parent On.

Perhaps you’ve been talking to your kids about the election. You’ve explained the importance of voting and what it means to be an engaged citizen. You’ve talked about your choice candidates and how their ideas and policies mesh with your personal values. You’ve talked about what has transpired. These are all important conversations to have with kids, especially if this is the first election they’ve observed with interest.

Now, it’s time to help your kids understand how to move forward. It’s time for conversations about empathy and the importance of treating every person with kindness and respect. It’s time to talk with your kids about what it means to win with grace and lose with dignity. It’s time to show them with our own actions how to mend fences and build bridges.

Certainly it’s easier to talk about these values than it is to live them. These past several months, the bar for civil discourse and good behavior has rested at a deeply concerning low. Grown-ups may be forgiven for feeling a little cynical and too depleted to hoist themselves back up on the high road. But as parents working to help kids become the best version of themselves, we must lead by example and demonstrate the behavior we want our kids to emulate. We must call out bad behavior by adults and help kids understand why it is wrong.

Setting aside the negativity that may pull us like a magnet, let’s seize the chance to help our kids move forward with optimism. Let’s show them how to relate to others—even to those with whom they disagree—with care and sensitivity. Let’s return to the basic building blocks of civility with these seven simple steps you can share with your kids to help them get started.   

1. Assume good intentions.
2. Remember that there are many different ways of seeing the same thing.
3. Listen with kindness and respect to friends who see things differently.
4. Don’t call people names or bully them.
5. Find common ground. There’s always common ground.
6. Agree to disagree on the rest.
7. Never forget that every human is sacred.

Seven simple, clear steps that will lead us to the high road. Let’s get moving.

“Why are the children shown in my child’s magazine wearing masks?” This is a question some parents of our readers are asking us in emails and letters and on our social sites. They also ask, “Have you consulted with medical professionals about this decision?” “Why aren’t you being more protective of our children, instead of rubbing their noses in this awful mess?” And even “Does Highlights have a political agenda?”

Many months into the pandemic and as this “awful mess” in the U.S. reaches crisis proportion, we feel it’s important to share how we arrived at the decision to depict children wearing masks when we show them in situations that would require taking that precaution.

Although we know many readers save our magazines to read and reread, a magazine is different from a book, in part because its shelf life is shorter. That’s part of the purpose of a magazine: to deliver reading material that is fresh and new each month—content that reflects the reader’s current world.

Last spring, when the pandemic hit in earnest and much of the country was staying safer at home, our readers let us know that their current reality wasn’t being depicted in Highlights and High Five. They wondered why the children in illustrations and photos weren’t wearing masks or why families weren’t shown practicing social distancing. “Our kids need to know that they are not alone in this,” one reader’s mother told us. “My child expected Highlights to acknowledge and support her efforts to be responsible,” wrote another. We wrote back and explained that because of our long lead times and the suddenness with which the world changed, it would take a few months before we could show on our pages these new, important health practices.

And when we were finally able to begin incorporating these ideas into Highlights, we started to receive complaints of a different sort. We heard from other loving parents who took a different view of the issue. They worried that we were frightening their children and trying to normalize behavior they didn’t feel should be normalized. They objected to our portrayal of what they felt were unnecessary practices. A few subscribers sent us links to sites discussing the wearing of masks and disseminating points of view at odds with science.

We wrote back to these parents too, explaining that we believe children deserve to see the world as it really is and that our current reality, when properly presented, doesn’t frighten kids. We explained that we see our magazines as more than simply entertainment. We work to create magazines that parents will find useful as they do their job of helping kids make sense of what they’re seeing in the world around them. We create content that inspires kids to be their best selves and suggests a call-to-action to kids who, despite their youth, can make a difference.

As we, as a society, try to come together and function as safely as we can during this health crisis, we want to share what we learned from the children’s health experts we consulted about our editorial approach to the pandemic. Here are four key points.

Wearing masks is one of the best defenses against COVID-19, and kids need to wear them too.

Medical experts told us that children ages 2 and up should wear masks in public, provided they are physically able to take their mask off themselves. Data shows that simply wearing a mask can decrease transmission of COVID-19 by 80 percent. When you combine that with at least 3 to 6 feet of distance, it can decrease transmission by 95 percent.

Dr. Tanya Altmann, a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics, told us, “Everyone, children included, will need to wear masks until we get this virus under control. The vaccine will help with that, but it will take time to get enough people vaccinated and see the COVID case numbers come down to where we can stop wearing masks.”

Nearly all children can wear masks safely.

Some of the parents we heard from said they worry that mask wearing is detrimental to their kids’ development because kids need to see whole faces. According to Dr. Dipesh Navsaria, a practicing pediatrician and expert in children’s literacy, there is no data to back up this concern, and in fact, researchers worldwide who study children’s development of facial recognition agree. “Kids see faces at home—the faces of their family, faces in photographs, and on television and in books.” He said that when kids see faces partially covered in masks, they easily compensate, relying more on voice, tone, and eyes to communicate. “The concern is only valid in a few particular cases,” he said, “such as children who are deaf or speech-delayed.”

Jennifer Miller, M.Ed.,—founder of Confident Parents Confident Kids, researcher, and specialist in kids’ social-emotional development—agreed. She added that parents can help their kids compensate by coaching them to “look for the smiles in people’s eyes and even practice communicating with masks on.”

“When we teach our children to wear masks,” she said, “we are doing more than protecting their health and the health of others. We are also helping them develop valuable social-emotional skills that are vital in school and in life—skills related to self-management, social awareness, and responsible decision-making.”

With few exceptions, wearing a mask is not difficult for children.

A preschool or school-age child can learn that doctors believe they will stay safe from the virus and keep others safe by wearing a mask. “If parents tell kids in simple terms that masks help protect us all, and if they see other kids wearing masks, kids see that they can do that,” said Dr. Navsaria. He believes that the perception that kids have trouble wearing masks is more about kids’ ability to pick up their parents’ fears and disappointments. The biggest issue he sees in getting kids to wear masks is parents’ own reactions. “It’s more about their parents’ sense of loss and sadness,” he said. “We are mourning the loss of innocence for our kids.” He reminds parents to be aware that they may be projecting their fear and disappointment, which may be upsetting to their children.

“If anything, children may bring a positive bias to masks, since dress up and costumes have long been a part of children’s play,” said Jennifer Miller. “However, if a parent begrudgingly wears one or expresses disgust or anger with the mask or talks about it as a nuisance, then a child is likely to view it in the same way. If parents or caregivers discuss the importance of the mask based on good science to keep us all safe, children will perceive it similarly.”

Dr. Altmann believes that kids across the country and around the world have been doing fine wearing masks. “They still can learn, recognize their friends, interact, and play while wearing masks. They forget it’s on their face, and it just becomes the norm after a week and doesn’t bother them.”

Dr. Altmann said that her five-year-old daughter adjusted to mask wearing in part by putting masks on her stuffed animals. “I tell kids, ‘A mask is like a seatbelt. It helps protect you. Right now there is a virus going around that is making people sick, so doing things like wearing a mask, staying apart from friends, and washing hands can help keep us from getting the virus.’”

Even kids who don’t wear masks benefit from seeing other kids wear masks.

A few parents felt that showing kids in masks was meaningless to their children who were living in circumstances that didn’t seem to require mask wearing. We brought this up with Dr. Navsaria, who also holds an advanced degree in children’s librarianship, and he talked about mirrors and windows—a metaphor often used in conversations about the importance of diverse books. When books and magazines show kids who look like them, doing things they also do, those books and magazines provide kids with a mirror, he said, reinforcing kids’ sense of belonging. And when literature shows mask-wearing kids to readers who don’t wear masks, it gives those readers a window, allowing them to look out from their own experience and see a more realistic depiction of what the world looks like for others. Providing both mirrors and windows is one way we help build empathy in kids.

These recommendations align with the Highlights mission of helping kids be their best selves, and we’ve used them to inform our work. Like all of you, we look forward to the day when health officials say that the coronavirus is no longer such a serious threat. But in the meantime, Highlights will continue to depict children (and sometimes anthropomorphic animals representing children) wearing face coverings in situations that would require them.

For more tips on mask use for kids, visit HealthyChildren.org.

How are young kids feeling about the election? What messages are they hearing in the growing political cacophony? Here’s what we have heard from a few Highlights readers: 

“I’m really scared about the turnout of the presidential election,” a reader wrote in an email. “My friends talk about it all the time, and it makes me really uncomfortable.” 

Another child, Avery, wrote to Highlights saying, “I’m an extreme Republican and other kids bully me about it. . . . Help!” 

Pennsylvania third-grader Will says he is pestering his mother to buy him a t-shirt that supports the presidential candidate he hopes will win. 

Confused and worried or engaged and excited, young kids are paying attention to politics. They catch snippets of the news, overhear adult conversations, and argue about the election with friends. Kids don’t miss much—although they are often better observers than interpreters. That’s why it’s incumbent upon parents to step in—to correct misunderstandings, to allay fears, and, most importantly, to encourage their kids to become civic-minded. 

Politics has always made for challenging parent-child conversations. And in an election season like 2020, when it seems that the only thing the country can agree upon is that the country is deeply divided, these discussions can be especially daunting. Yet, to avoid the subject because it feels so fraught is to miss the opportunity to expose your kids to a few big ideas that go beyond politics—ideas that can help them develop an optimistic worldview. A worldview that includes an understanding of what it means to be a member of a community. A worldview that includes a belief in the good intentions of others and in their own ability to make the world a better place. 

Begin by Checking In 

If your child hasn’t broached the subject of the election with you, it’s time to check in. A good way to open the door to conversation is with a few simple questions: “What have you heard about the election? How do you feel about the candidates? Is anything concerning or confusing to you?” Then lean in and listen. You may be surprised by what you hear, and by the strong emotions that bubble up—perhaps in both of you. If you think staying calm and collected might be tough, take a walk while you talk, or find another time when you can be fully present and relaxed. 

Use Simple Language 

Set the table for a deeper conversation by starting with a simple truth. Using a metaphor young kids can understand, talk about the similarities between being a family member and being a good citizen—two roles that come with expectations for interacting with and caring for others. Explain voting as one of the important responsibilities of citizenship and the primary way we influence the decisions our local, state, and federal government makes—decisions that shape our lives. When kids, who often feel powerless, understand the impact of voting (and see you voting), they will be more likely to think of themselves as future voters—as people with agency. They will see voting as a way of taking action and making their thoughts heard. They will see the value in their own voice. 

Lean into Your Family’s Values 

That’s the easy part! What’s harder is helping them see that the voices of others also have value. Most young kids adopt the political views of their parents, and they tend to think their parents know best. While this conversation is a chance to restate your family’s values and tie them to your political views, it is also an opportunity to point out that listening to different opinions is a way to show kindness and respect, even when we don’t agree. 

Help your kids also see another compelling reason to listen respectfully to other points of view: doing so leads us to examine our own convictions more closely. Sometimes this results in strengthening our beliefs, and sometimes it alters how we see an issue. In a world where politicians tend to stick hard and fast to their talking points, even in the face of new information, it’s good to remind kids (and ourselves) that a change of mind is OK when new facts emerge. 

Reinforce Critical Thinking Skills 

Although your kids may be too young to do more than repeat what they hear you saying, they can benefit from hearing how you decide what to believe. Again, keep it simple. Talk about the importance of asking questions and the need for fact-checking. Explain how you judge the reliability of news sources. These are critical-thinking tools kids need to evaluate all kinds of information. 

Use Bad Examples to Teach 

In the interest of fairness, point out that candidates in all parties can misrepresent facts or engage in hyperbole—sometimes for political gain and sometimes unintentionally out of passion. Certainly, we’ve seen plenty of bad behaviors from politicians, from name-calling and mockery to bullying. When your child sees this, make it a teachable moment. Letting it go without comment helps normalize it. Call it out as inappropriate, lest your child thinks you condone it. Remind kids that people in power sometimes fail to model the behavior we hope children will emulate. 

Help Them Connect the Dots 

Although it may be the news-making drama that first catches your child’s interest, resolve to focus mostly on the issues. As our reader mail regularly reminds us, even young kids have hopes and dreams for the world we inhabit. They write to us about climate change, social injustice, public health in the time of COVID, quality education, and more. What concern resonates with your child? Learning about the candidates’ positions on an issue your child cares about is a concrete way to connect the dots between their idealism and the power of voting. 

Yes, your child is too young to vote. But your child is not too young to decide to become a voter when it’s time. By talking now about the importance of being a responsible citizen and an informed voter, you help them see that they can be changemakers. You stoke their confidence, strengthen their voice, and help them build empathy and optimism for a world that that only gets better when thoughtful citizens engage.